Posted by: sisterbernice | August 20, 2010

discouraged today

I feel discouraged today.  My mood is dark.   I get in these moods now and then.   But, today is writing day and I don’t think I’ve been in my funk while writing before.  I feel that everything is a fraud, nothing real.  I snap out of it but still I am in the middle of it right now.

It’s providential perhaps.  My mood is often fueled by how I think the nuns who taught us were liars.  Many would nod their heads in agreement to this statement.   Most likely they are thinking that I think the nuns lied about the faith.  I have had too many “experiences” to discount the work of the Lord in my life to think that.  I often doubt many things but the larger reality I don’t doubt.

And, that’s what makes me sad.  These women who I believed gave their life to the faith, didn’t.  I won’t go beyond that statement.  For each one I think about, whose stories I now know as an adult, there is a reason for their choices.  I understand on one level but on another– I think they were frauds because it was really about them and their needs.   So trusting were we as children!  So unworthy of our trust were many of them.  (And I do believe some were very worthy of our trust so I don’t want to indict all).  We don’t speak about women abusing very much but I think we should.  I was never physically or sexually abused.  I do think I was often part of the psychological and emotional warfare that nuns carried forth.  None of which causes me to doubt the whole – as stated I have too many of my own experiences in which I am confident that there is a God and that love exists and we are all wanted.  But it does make me sympathetic to victims who were spiritually abused as much as they were physically/emotionally abused.

I will leave it at that – I am discouraged that the women of God who are for God know Him so little and abuse Him so much even if they did not abuse.  So many empty words and thoughts they speak in the name of their communities, such group think.  So much arrogance that they are purer than the priests.  So much ignorance:   social justice, women’s rights and hating men are not a religion.  Social justice without God is empty and self-serving even when you call yourself Sister.  And, in stating this, I must personally remember that all of what I have said and implied could be written about me should I fail to remember who and what I am.  I am a child of God but I am also dust and to dust I will return.  Amen.

The following is what faith is about and this is what abusive nuns and priests don’t comprehend:

Mt 22:34-40

When the Pharisees heard that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees,
they gathered together, and one of them,
a scholar of the law, tested him by asking,
“Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?”
He said to him,
“You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart,
with all your soul, and with all your mind.
This is the greatest and the first commandment.
The second is like it:
You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
The whole law and the prophets depend on these two commandments.”

Help us Lord, Help us to love, you, to understand.  I beg this of you.




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